when the drive thru guy tells you to order and you’re not ready
- Normal people: crying cause I really miss you.
- Ed Sheeran: I don't get waves of missing you anymore, they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes
- Normal people: you're making me blush!
- Ed Sheeran: tell her that she turns my cheeks the color of my hair
- Normal people: we're spooning
- Ed Sheeran: we're resembling cutlery
- Normal people: my life is falling apart
- Ed Sheeran: her face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries
- Normal people: marry me?
- Ed Sheeran: see, I could do without a tan on my left hand where my fourth finger meets my knuckle
Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.
Man with suit made of Mentos is dunked in a tank full of Diet Coke.
you know he dead
will you still love me when i’m no longer young and
why do dads sneeze so loud